Haven’t Been Myself

The past couple of weeks, I haven’t been myself.

I’m not exactly sure what’s going on, all I know is that I’ve stopped being myself sometime in October. I don’t know how to explain what exactly myself is but I know that I used to be happy all the time. I know that I loved hanging out with different friends and didn’t get brought down as much. I know that when living where my job is that I used to really feel good and now I’ve been sick all the time except when I go home.

So the past couple of weeks, I’ve been feeling ill. I don’t eat big meals anymore and I’m loving the compliments about losing weight but I think my reasoning for stop eating isn’t as smart as I think it is. My friend, Kallie told me one time the reason why she was losing weight was because she stopped eating. At the time I was laughing about it. Now, I feel like I’m actually doing it. I can’t help but realize that ever since we had that conversation, I haven’t been able to eat full meals when I’m in my trailer, but when I’m home, I eat fine. I’m feeling fine and my mom cooks for me. So let’s just hope that I’m going to feel better. I really don’t want to keep having cramps and feel like I’m going to throw up all the time.

I’ve been trying to not complain about this issue, but everyone knows something is up when I’m wearing a sneaker on one foot and a boot on the other. The doctor said to wear it for three weeks and during those three weeks, my left foot was fine. It didn’t actually feel broken. Then the three weeks were up and I decided to wear a sneaker. Holy crap that wasn’t good. I went back in the boot immediately. I also found out by talking to one of my roommates that I’ve been walking weird. I don’t walk on the broken part at all. I’ve been walking more on the right side of my foot and that’s messing up my ankle. So I decided to start walking normal and wow that shows me that I’m in a lot of pain. My mom has these patches that she gave me to use and I have a feeling I’ll be using those when I need to constantly be on my foot. I also was told I need to wear better shoes. My current favorite pair are blue and orangeish. I love them but I was told I need tighter shoes, so my greenish blue and bright yellow ones will be the pair.

So you know that subject where I say I need to stop doing and I’ll be better? Well, pretty much I need to keep telling myself that. But the storyline is different.

I’m obsessed and freaked out of a show that’s on Netflix. Criminal Minds. It terrifies me knowing how real it is but the characters are just great. Reid and JJ are my favorite. They also added Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, You’ve Got Mail, Princess Diaries 2, The Boxcar Children (I used to read that series all the time).

So friends. Two of my dearest, bestest friends just had their birthdays. it figures their birthdays would be near each other. For Liz I got her a funny card, a fantastic Facebook message and I called her. If only you saw me that day while getting her card ready. I had everything set but the number of her house on the card. I knew the entire address but the number. So I texted Natalie, and Facebook messaged Liz’s boyfriend and sister hoping they wouldn’t say anything. Well, neither of them got to me in time, I googled stalked her house, but couldn’t make out the number. Eventually I found the address. I think I turned into a stalker just for the address. Oh and everyone messaged me back after I sent the card. Now I know what you’re thinking a card just doesn’t seem like that’s all you should give to one of your best friends. It’s not. I plan on seeing Liz on the 21st to go see Mockingjay Part 1 with her. It may just be a quick get together but it’ll be much more and I can’t say much on here because she reads this. Also the phone call, I totally called her work three times hoping to get her, but never did. So I called her cell phone.

For Natalie, I got her a funny card and a phone call. She told me in the phone call she was shocked I didn’t send her a card which I was like wait you told me you got it. Her birthday was on a Sunday. She said she didn’t see the card that Saturday but it did arrive. So Sunday morning I got a text saying she really liked it. I’m glad she didn’t open it until her birthday. But she said she knew I would send her a card. Of course I’m going to send a card.

These friends bring a smile to my face daily. We may not speak everyday but I know they are there. I can’t forget Nevora. We snapchat all the time. Today it was music. She sent me a song I hate and I sent her a song that I love. But then other songs too, she had a dance party to these songs. It’s just what we do. We can go from funny to serious within minutes.

Other friends. I’ve recently been talking to one friend more. You can tell because she’s now on my best friends for snap chat. It’s just cause at youth we talk a bit more. See what happened this summer she wasn’t around as much so another friend sort of took her place. Well now that, that friend is off to college it’s not like that anymore. I think in another blog I called her Robin. Robin is just showing herself more. It’s senior year, she’s busy with school, dance and looking into colleges but during youth group she interacts with I think I named her Sheila and I more. Edith is around too but she doesn’t really talk to Robin or Sheila. She only talks to me when I’m at church. It’s been different since Elise left. Sheila and I will always talk. I’m not going to stop talking to her. Robin and I are talking more through snapchat but at least we’re talking. Edith and I do talk, she’s busy, she’s not online as much but when I’m home at church that’s when she wants to talk. I’ve stopped in a way letting people who I’m not sure whether they want to see me or not know when I’m going to be home.

Elise and I, well remember the “Third Person” post? That’s her. She read the blog and figured out that the reason why we don’t talk anymore is because I’ve backed off. She was very upset about that and I didn’t know how to tell her that I’m still going to continue it. I mean if she wants to talk, she knows how to reach me. I’ve told my coworker that I’m done putting myself out there and getting nothing in return. I’m not saying that to be my friend you have to talk to me everyday. I only talk to my mom everyday. I don’t need to talk to someone all the time. However, don’t argue with me about how you hate using your phone because before you got your boyfriend you didn’t mind using it and you use to FaceTime. Also, I’m not the only friend who’s noticed a change in friendship.

I love having a blog, it’s the only place I can complain and be glad that no one really reads it other than my one and only reader. This is where she finds out the interesting facts about my life. Right now, my life is terribly boring with sickness and pain and I can’t wait until the 21st.