Bittersweet

Do you know what I did this week?

Packed up my apartment, it was kind of a sad moment in my life. I mean it’s an ongoing process right now because hey it’s going to be done soon, but it’s just knowing that the five years of living in the apartment is now over with. (While writing this, my neighbor above me is currently talking, I don’t think there is another person up there at the moment.) Anyway, it’s just a bittersweet moment. 

This week also is tourneys. So that means I went and watched basketball all the time. The first games I went to were from my hometown, the boys played and won, and they won again tonight. But back to the first time they played, I went with my dad and his girlfriend and her daughter, we also went out to eat with his brothers and their families. Talk about AWKWARD. Seriously, I didn’t know how else to feel cause they just all knew each other and I was just this extra person, even if I’m my father’s daughter, let’s just say I didn’t exactly grow up knowing the entire family. I think if I did, I would be in a better situation and I wouldn’t have snapchatted a few of my friends saying that it was a very awkward moment in my life. When we went to the games, I saw that my former staff boss, Kelly, her husband, and daughter were there. What did I do? I went over and talked to them and sat with them for the rest of the night which meant two games. Even after Lyndee came over, we went to four games yesterday and sat with Kelly. It was nice just being able to sit with Kelly again, good memories came back and even though she teases me all the time, I know she cares. She wouldn’t have let me sit next to her if she didn’t like me. Kelly is just one of those people that if you really do anything wrong in her eyes, she will cut ties with you. It’s weird to look at it like that, but when she meets you and gets to know you, she truly cares and you can tell. I met her when I was 16, I always talked to her, she was my favorite staff boss at camp, hate to say it but everyone knew. 22 now and I can talk to her like I can talk to some of my close friends. Also her daughter was my camper for a few years and she was my favorite too. 

At camp, you really shouldn’t have favorites, it’s kind of wrong. Really frowned upon, but people do that anyway. I know one counselor had a favorite out of twins. Twins?! Treated one twin so different, while the other one assumed she was liked just as much. 

I had favorite counselors when I was a camper and as a staff girl and even as a counselor, because as a counselor they were my friends. The ones I hung out with the most. It was pretty clear who I hung out with the most, since tonight while blogging I talked to them tonight. Tough issues going on. The whole packing doesn’t help. 

Tomorrow is championship for tourneys. Kind of hoping both boys teams that I’ll be cheering for in Class C & D will be winning. Can’t wait. I’m really excited. Glad my cousin reminded me cause I think I would have forgotten and skipped it. So I probably should go to sleep. Good Night. 

God’s timing…Remarkable.

I was thinking about this in the back of my head while watching a show. 

Next Sunday, youth will most likely be cancelled. That means a whole bunch of kids will have this feeling that youth is cancelled and they won’t have anything to do. So what do I think in my mind? Just because all of the youth leaders are going away for a conference and may not return, why can’t youth still be held? They could quite possibly return Sunday night and still have youth and even talk about why they went away for a youth conference. OR I could be the one who still holds youth.

Why not? The only thing that terrifies me from holding youth is that I’ll be the only one there doing it, that means I’m the only adult at this place and these kids could walk all over me. If only we could have someone else there just in case. One more adult. I should try in some way step up and be the person who I want to be. That means I want to somehow be more a part of youth. 

Should I still ask the other youth leaders about this? Most likely. What would I talk about with these kids. I could ask a friend of mine’s father to also be there, but he may have to work, so I wouldn’t want to do that. Or I could have another friend’s parents be there just to take care of the younger youth. 

Why do I have this sudden urge to hold a youth service when I could possibly be the one who isn’t strong enough to do this. It’s a weird feeling and I don’t know what I always have a sudden urge to write late at night. It’s like the only time where I can really get what I want to say. 

As I was really thinking about this, I could just simply write to one of the youth leaders about this and have them tell whoever will be there that I want to do something. Actually, I shouldn’t even think of this, I’m the one who wants to go to where my apartment is and pack up my stuff for the weekend, I may not even be back in time or I could just leave sometime this week and go there for the day really early and come back the next day with a fully packed car. I would get a lot done, instead of doing it for the weekend. 

Ah, I need to stop. Pray. Ask God want He wants me to do, unless this is exactly what He wants me to do. He wants me to start thinking more about what I should be doing with the church instead of just thinking about myself. I really should just sleep on it instead of rushing, I just had all these thoughts come to me and it’s just easier to write them down now instead of waiting until the morning. 

I thought more about it and there are a few people that still help out at youth even if I was to do it, they’re adults and I’m sure if I talked to one of the youth leaders before they left that I needed someone there to help me more on just keeping the kids to pay attention to me instead of just doing what they want to do. 

Here’s what I’m thinking that I want done:

I want the youth to help. Maybe have a few people actually do some of what I want to do. There will be a time for worship. A time to pray. A time for just us to talk. Maybe that’s what will happen, we’ll talk. I’m not one who can answer questions thoroughly about the Bible, but I am able to talk about timing. 

God’s timing is just one of those amazing things that I couldn’t imagine not knowing about. He knows exactly what we need. Maybe that’s what I would like to just have a talk session about that or do a speech, or preach about it. I’ve been wanting to do something for quite a while, I just was going to wait. 

I think I just thought of a good way to say something about it. I need to get my friends involved in this. Have them say something about how God’s timing worked for them. 

God has great timing where He chose me to talk about it right now.